If I’ve met someone online, I’ve looked for individuals who like myself, weren’t sure if they were looking for “the one” or just someone with whom to share some casual conversation, maybe a movie or dinner before deciding where things might lead. There’s a reason why I started avoiding headlines such as, “Looking for Mr. Right” or “Only interested in long-term.”
Itâ€™s not because I’m a commitment phobe. It’s because shortly after turning 30, unlike some who panic at the prospect of growing old alone, I took stalk of my life. I decided what was most important instead of measurable status or success was contentment and peace of mind. That led me to realize that at times when I was younger I dated for completely the wrong reasons.
I used to confuse well-being with happiness. New relationships made me happy but breakups made me as sad as I had been glad. My attitude about what finding someone special should bring to me definitely needed to change. I had always thought of romance as a basic need, not simply an unearned and unexpected bonus still accepted as deserved all the same.
I figured out that compared to pairing up with the wrong person, my life was easier and peaceful when I was single. A potential love interest needed to enhance peace of mind, not stress me out worrying about some elusive sense of destiny or fleeting romantic happiness that eventually could end. That’s why my screening policy changed. I realized that people obsessed with happiness and a problem-free existence are poison to me.
They look for someone perpetually optimistic ready to cure all life’s woes. They don’t admit that on a first date. Instead, they claim needing commitment fast is a sign of being selective, rather than desperate, to find a quick fix before the next dramatic downswing their much-touted happiness may take any day.
They eat up articles about reading body language and speech patterns. No time to waste, it comes down to screening based on first impressions. On dates, they ask questions similar to a well-worded employment interview. Probing to know where I see myself in 5 years, why I left my last partner and if I’ve ever had problems committing. Personal questions that if answered with even a hint of guarded attitude will prove I’m not the right fit for the job.
Personally, the only thing I can say is that if you think you can know me so completely after just meeting – I must come across as being as shallow, as your attempts at being easygoing seem profound. If you’d give me even five minutes more you might just realize my surface runs deep but we’ll never know with so many candidates and so little time.